Waiting

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.  He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might he increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

I’m not very good at waiting, waiting for an appointment, waiting in a line up, waiting at a traffic light, waiting behind slow moving vehicles, my lack of patient's rears its ugly head as I determine that I would really rather be somewhere else and in a much faster time frame than what I am dealing with in that moment.  But nothing has taught me more about the value of waiting then waiting on God.  Waiting for Him to bring something new into my life or to change some circumstance or to bring a new person into my life.

In the last 10 years and more specifically the last 6 years since I have begun my healing journey,  I have begun to realize how much of myself I had lost, how weary I had become, how much of my strength was gone.  I had given up my own sense of worth and dignity to a relationship that was very destructive even as I tried to honor God in it.  Being single I have come to the realization that my troubles didn't start with this bad relationship, I had lost myself before I met him.  It was during this earlier lost time that God had found me and I gave myself to Jesus.  Unfortunately, I had no idea that he wasn't done with me and that I needed to wait on Him before stepping into new things - I didn't wait.  Being in a relationship, any relationship, was so important to me, I had to have it.  I knew that I didn't want to be by myself, I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to wait for God to turn me into the kind of person he wanted me to be, to mold me and make me into the woman of God He knew I could be and to possibly wait for the right person to enter my life when I was emotionally and spiritually mature enough for a relationship.

Waiting, I’m just not good at it.  So, after a lot of years being single I now find myself somewhat back into that same thought - it would be so nice to have a companion, someone of God’s choosing - not mine - someone with integrity, someone who loves God like I do.  Needless to say, I’m still waiting but now I have a choice, I can wait on God or I can run ahead and do this my own way.  I've chosen to wait and being a person who can’t wait this has been a huge struggle for me but in that waiting I've discovered something very interesting, I’m discovering me.   I am gaining new strength, I am finding my worth and gaining back my dignity.  I am also, finding that God has things to say through my experiences, I am writing again and He is teaching me. Through His grace and mercy He has applied this verse to my life - He never grew weary of me, he never lacked the strength to see me through all the difficult circumstances that I have gone through or brought upon myself and he is showing me that one day I will soar like the eagle.